Always Love You
by poegrrll
Summary: After the wedding on a dark stormy night Christine thinks about she has done to the man who inspired her voice and plans on doing something that will make it right. It’s all in Christine’s perspective.


_Always Love You_

_By Poe_

_Disclaimer: The Phantom of the opera does not belong to me. It belongs to the Leroux family ALW and Susan Kay. I will put Erik & Christine back as good as I found them I promise._

_Rated: PG-13_

_Archives: Yes As long as I know where this story is going & I get my acknowledgement of being the author._

_Summary: After the wedding on a dark stormy night Christine thinks about she has done to the man who inspired her voice. It's all in Christine's perspective._

_The storm raged outside the chateau I have always hated storms even as a child & it hasn't changed much now. My husband Raoul has left me for a business trip in London and I am here alone. I was in the living room knitting lord knows why I have never knitted before but it seems the right thing to do when you're a wife. _

_Lightning crashed against the sky as I gave a small yelp of fear and dropped my needles. I could feel my hands shaking I went over to the small gas light and lit it. I looked around the formal room and sighed. I had always hated this room and didn't stay in here too long without Raoul being here. I sighed & took the candle into my dainty white hand and left my knitting things in the room._

_Opening up the small door to the library I rang for Sybil to bring me in some tea. I picked up a book I knew well and opened it to a story "The White Rose and the Nightingale" When Sybil came into the library and gave me my tea I thanked her and told her to leave me. I looked around at the large unused library around me and found myself at home. _

_No one was allowed in here but I had told Raoul that this space was perfect for me. He never asked me any questions and I never gave him any answers. Our marriage was as full of lies as much as the tragedy that befell it. I loved Raoul…lord knows I do but there was one man that would give me all the love in the world if I had just asked for it. I turn away from those hurtful memories but the storm grew worse and I cannot stop thinking about him._

_Erik. My maestro. My muse. A man who loved me. I looked out the great bay window and saw all the thunder and lightening. I remember that night in the park…the only time I went out into real life with him. It was a terrible storm as I got closer to him but never reached that pinnacle of being a woman to him. I could tell that he wanted to comfort me but I wouldn't…couldn't allow it. What a fool I was! _

_I put the book down on my lap and closed my eyes. I could remember the last night with him. The fear the terror and finally the realization that I loved him too. If only I would have had told him sooner. I will never forget the look on his face when I kissed him. I could tell his heart was breaking. He would die from this and I could never take anything back. _

_He had turned away from me and went to his friend the Persian as I ran to him wanting to go with him. He turned back to me took my hand walked me back to Raoul and told him to take me away. He kissed me again gently as I took off his mask and kissed him passionately. I could see the tears run down his cheek as he said to me almost in a whisper "I will always love you." _

_Why didn't I say it back to him? Raoul nearly had to drag me away from him. He took me to the boat and rowed away. The Persian and Erik had already gone into the room but I heard an ungodly scream coming from it. Tears ran down my face but Raoul rowed the boat more swiftly before I could even think of changing my mind and jumping into the lake swimming back to him. _

_I saw Erik run out of the room and look in my direction screaming over and over again "I love you! I love you! I love you!" The Persian followed him but didn't pull him away. I saw Erik collapse as the Persian put his arms around him trying to calm him but Erik would not be settled. All he did was claw out in desperation for me and I turned away from him too afraid of his raw emotions._

_Why didn't I look back at him? Why was I too afraid to face what I needed to do? Because I'm a coward just like all the rest of the people that had surrounded his life. I hated myself that night I still do. I opened up my eyes & saw the lightning crash across the sky. I had the most terrible premonition that tonight would be the last night I would ever see him alive. _

_I had to go back...I don't know why but I had to tell him how sorry I was and perhaps to make it up to him. I rang for Sybil again and told her in a hurried voice to get Hans to set up the carriage. I had to get to Paris tonight and soon. The look on Sybil's face told me all that I had to know. She thought I was mad but she went and told Hans. _

_Within a half hour the carriage was ready to go and I stepped in with nothing on but my dress that I wore that night, no ruffles, no furs I would go back to him as the girl that he knew. Two hours passed and finally we got to the Opera House. I told Hans to stop at the rotunda side went to the secret door and unlocked it. _

_When I got down to the lake I saw the boat where Raoul had left it. I got in I didn't know how to paddle it but to get to him I would use my hands. I felt a heavy hand reach out and grab my shoulder. I turned to see the Persian standing there. His jade eyes grew when he saw me "Madame De Chagney!" his face changed into a scowl "You shouldn't be here." _

_Tears ran down my face "Please monsieur I have to see him...I I have to tell him so many things. H...h...how sorry I am." His eyes looked down before saying anything "You will not like what you see Madame. He's dying." I looked at him wildly "Then we must go. Now.' The Persian sighed got into the boat and began to paddle not saying a word. I looked into the distance urging him silently to go faster. _

_When he hit the other side of the shore I got up frantically and ran to the front door. I pounded on it as the Persian came over to me. His voice had changed "I will not have his final hours with tears and your guilt."_

_I nodded my head eagerly as he unlocked the door. What I saw made me cry out. What I had seen was total destruction. "Who did this? The mob…did they?" I couldn't finish my sentence for fear of Erik being beaten nearly to death. The Persian nodded his head solemnly "He did this himself. He wasn't expecting you to come back. After his last seizure I had carried him to your room."_

_Before I heard the last word I went to my room and opened it. What I saw on the bed shocked me! This couldn't be Erik! It just couldn't be! My angel was tall majestic not this ill man who was sweating and his long fingers reaching out. His eyes wide open but not seeing anything but nightmares delusions memories of his past that had finally caught up to him. I ran over to him and sat on the bed I took off his mask as he let out a sob. "Please please give it back..." he moaned afraid_

_He started to struggle with some unseen force crying whimpering fighting as the Persian came over to us and put it back on him "there my friend…they'll never hurt you again." Erik sighed and then the tears rolled down "she'll never come back. She loves him…not me…not a monster." My voice had left me and my heart went out to him. I put my hands on his chest as he shrieked "don't hurt me anymore!" _

_The Persian calmly went over to him and whispered in his ear "it's mademoiselle Da'ee Erik. It's not a dream…please wake up." Erik opened up his eyes but the other eye looked like he had been struck blind. I closed my mouth afraid that he would see me looking at his eye. He turned to the Persian first as my mind silently pleaded to him "please look at me! I'm here! Oh my love!" _

_Finally he turned to me "Chris…tine? You…you came back." I wrapped both of my arms tight around him hugging him tightly. He was so weak he couldn't even hold me but I knew that he wanted to. I took off the mask and kissed him all over my hands caressing him. _

_I heard a deep moan of pleasure explode from his mouth and as much as I loved his voice in full song there was something that wanted me to give everything I had to him in that moment. My clothes felt so tight and in my privates came a flush of heat. _

_The Persian cleared his throat as Erik looked at him with his one eye and smiled shyly. "I suppose this will be the last time I see you my friend. It was truly an honor to be your friend." Erik put his hand on his and simply said "The honor was mine Nadir." The Persian looked over to me "If you need anything I shall be out here waiting." Then he left then there was just the two of us with the candles light low._

_Erik looked at me and said "You're still as beautiful when I first met you." I kissed him no more words were needed I had to tell him I loved him this way. It was the only way I could show him all the passion. I caressed his blind eye as he kissed my palm "what happened?" He chuckled a little "Old age my dear." _

_I slowly took off my dress as I caressed him wanting more of his body. He withered under my inexperienced fingers moaning thrusting his body to meet mine. "I've never done this before." he whispered eagerly. _

_This time it was my time to smile "Neither have I." He looked at me if he had heard something unpleasant "You're married to him and you've never…" I shook my head shyly "I wanted to make sure I was with the right man." I took off my bra as my breasts ached to be touched by him and him alone. He cupped them as I lowered them to his mouth. He began to suck hungrily tears ran down his face but he didn't stop. "Oh Christine..." he whispered_

_I took off the nightshirt that was bathed in sweat as I caressed him all over. He sucked more eagerly whimpering his body responding to me. His manhood pressed against my leg I trembled I don't know if it was from fear or passion but something was going to happen. _

_Back when I was in the chorus Meg had always told me what a man and wife does after they're married. Well we weren't married and we only had a short time left but I know I had to. He looked up to me as if to ask me to continue as I shook my head yes. He pulled down my panties and smiled up at me. "You are so beautiful." he whispered "I never thought I would be loved by someone like you." _

_I smiled back at him & took his pants off. If anything this was going to be a very slow night. I stared in awe of his body the old whip marks the tight muscles. The last thing I took off was the mask. He flinched "I want to make love to you Erik…all of you. I love you so much." _

_The rest of the night I will not go into here because it was so sacred to us. We came together moved apart and became one over and over again. By the time the morning came we were both bathed in sweat. He was asleep but I was very much awake taking in everything about him. His home which I spent most of my moments over the past year. _

_I know what I did last night was good. He loved me and I loved him nothing would change that. He awoke shivering and I knew the fever had come back. I thought that God if he was a merciful God would let him die without any pain. I knew I would have to be the one to lead him to the light. I got out of bed and he didn't seem to notice that I was even in there. _

_He was back with the dreaded nightmares and I wasn't there to help him…to let him know that he was loved. I had gotten dressed and went out to the den spotting Nadir I motioned to him hurriedly to follow me._

_He got up and raced into the room I shut the door "What is it?" he cried "The fever it's come back." The Persian cussed in a foreign language and went over to him. Then he looked over to him "I had hoped that the fever would leave him and Allah would spare him. I had hoped…" he stopped and turned back to Erik before rummaging around his drawers then his eyes lit up "Aw perfect. Go make some tea. This will bring the fever down." _

_I went out to the kitchen and lit up the samovar which I had to laugh about. I knew how to use it now as I made a cup of tea and brought it back to Nadir. He put the herbs that would bring down the fever and held it to Erik's mouth forcing it down his throat. "Good Erik…that's very good…drink…drink."_

_Erik drank it sighing but he never opened up his eyes instead he went into a deeper sleep. Nadir sighed and sat down. He had put his head in his hands and began to weep. I never saw another man cry over another man and it terrified me. _

_After a few moments he looked up to me with a sorry look on his face "forgive me Madame. He's my best friend…only friend." He looked away as I put my hand on his shoulder "Thank you." he whispered. I sat on the bed eager to beside him again know at any minute that the fever could take him away from me. Forever and that terrified me. _

_A few hours had passed Nadir sat on one side of him and I sat on the other side as he awoke alert he took one of my hands in mine but was not looking at me... "Do you hear them Christine?" I shook my head no and started to cry. I got into the bed with him again and held him. "They're coming." _

_I wiped my tears away trying to remain strong but it was Nadir's voice who cut through to him "who is coming Erik?' A smile of happiness passed over his poor deformed face as he spoke a single word. A word that sounded like a prayer "Reza…I'm not damned...I'm not alone…" then he turned to me "I love you Christine. I will always love you." _

_With those words Erik the Phantom my love passed away. I had stayed beside him for a few hours willing him to come back to me but I knew he wouldn't. I got up kissed him good-bye for the last time as I hugged Nadir. I knew I was a woman now and would have to go back to my life with Raoul. Erik wanted it that way. _

_Hans and the carriage were still waiting for me. The sun was shining and Hans asked no questions as we turned to go back to the chateau I looked back and said "orvoi my ange. I love you."_

_The End_


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